Why Having Therapy Is Courageous — Inspired by Bessel van der Kolk
We often think of courage as something dramatic: running into burning buildings, standing up to bullies, or jumping out of planes. But one of the most quietly courageous things a person can do is sit in a room, face their inner world, and say: “I want to understand myself better.”
Therapy takes guts.
The Myth of Weakness
There’s a persistent myth that going to therapy means you’re broken, weak, or failing somehow. But as Bessel van der Kolk — world-renowned trauma expert and author of The Body Keeps the Score — shows us, the truth is far from that.
When someone experiences trauma or overwhelming stress, the body stores it. We adapt to survive, sometimes in ways that later make life harder: shutting down, staying hyper-alert, disconnecting from our feelings, avoiding closeness.
Van der Kolk’s work shows that these are not signs of weakness — they’re signs of strength. Signs that your system did whatever it had to do to protect you.
But healing? Choosing to process that pain? That’s where the real courage begins.
How Trauma Shapes Who We Become
One of the most misunderstood aspects of trauma is how subtle and sophisticated our defences can be.
Sometimes, we don’t just avoid the feelings — we build entire identities around escaping them.
We adopt roles. We wear masks.
The confident achiever. The joker. The caretaker. The strong one who never cries.
These personas become shields.
They serve us for years — sometimes a lifetime — carefully steering us away from the pain we once felt and never dared return to.
But here’s the truth:
We don’t heal by leaning deeper into the persona.
We heal by meeting the parts of ourselves we once had to hide.
And that’s what therapy makes possible.
Therapy Means Facing the Uncomfortable
Therapy often involves looking at things we’ve spent years avoiding:
- Patterns in relationships we don’t like to admit
- Emotions we’ve buried
- Childhood experiences we’ve minimised
- Shame, fear, anger, or grief we’ve never had space to process
It takes enormous bravery to turn toward pain instead of numbing it. It takes self-respect to say, “I want to understand myself,” rather than just keep pushing through.
Van der Kolk writes: “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.”
Therapy is the courageous step toward that safety — not only with others, but with yourself.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
When life feels overwhelming, or when we’ve been through difficult experiences, it’s tempting to try and “go it alone.” That’s another myth: that strength means being self-sufficient. But even the most resilient people need connection. Healing isn’t a solo act.
At Benfleet Counselling, we work with people from all walks of life who are ready to break old patterns, understand themselves more deeply, and feel truly heard.
Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, relationship struggles or just a feeling that something isn’t quite right — our team of experienced therapists in Benfleet and online is here to support you.
Courage Isn’t Loud
Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes, it’s a quiet whisper that says,
“I’m ready to take care of myself now.”
If you’re thinking about therapy — or already in it — give yourself credit. You are doing something brave. You are taking a step toward a version of yourself that feels more whole, more grounded, and more alive.
And that? That’s heroic.
Looking for therapy in Benfleet or online?
We’d be honoured to walk alongside you.
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